Saturday, March 26, 2011
Always wanted to put that shield of mine down. Tried, but got hit badly again. So i put the shield back up, promising myself nvr to let it down agn. But i'll still wait, wait for the day I find true friends & that one person who will help me get that shield away from me :)
♥ 2:59 AM
Thursday, March 24, 2011
If only you knew how I feel about you.
If only you knew that im finally willing to face up to my feelings after so long.
But no, fate just isnt on our side.
When I feel smth, you dont. When you did, I didnt know how to cherish it.
Too little too late? Or just not meant to be.
P.S THIS IS NOT AN EMO POST THANKS.
♥ 5:06 PM
Friday, January 7, 2011
Alan, my
best friend, is leaving tomorrow,
again.So here's a dedication post to him :)
I decided to use just a few pics cus I cant finish if I have to use all! Haha.
We got into a clique with Ashley, JunRui and ZhanWen at the end of Sec1.
In Sec2, you drifted away cus you didnt feel like a part of us anymore.
But thank God.......... we became best friends in mid Sec2.
No clique, no nothing, just the two of us :)
Many obstacles came in between us, trying to break our friendship apart.
We had SOOO MANNNYYY quarrels. So many that I've lost count!
One of the major ones happened in Sec2, when we quarrelled over Talent Time.
We didnt speak for the longest time then, and even badmouthed abt one another.
But im glad we realised that our friendship was still more important than a stupid talent time.
& so, best friends again :)
Then in Sec3, we got into different classes.
We formed new cliques. You had yours, and I had mine.
We drifted apart..............
Until the day you told me you were leaving for UK to further your studies.
It was there and then, that I finally realised how important you were to me.
I didnt cherish you when you were in Singapore.
We enjoyed each other's company so much, yet we were always quarrelling over stupid stuff.
I cant believe we even let a stupid quarrel get to our heads and badmouth abt each other.
I cant believe we drifted apart just cus we made new friends in Sec3.
I was at a loss. I was devastated. I didnt want you to leave.
Cus you were going to UK for 4 whole years. 4....... whole years.
But there was nothing I could do to change the fact.
We cherished all the time we had left and went out together as often as possible.
Not to mention, best friends once again.
To be honest, I thought we would just break contact when you left.
I mean its 4 years abroad, I thought, "Is our friendship really that strong?"
The day finally came.
I wished you all the best. Sent you off at the airport. Hugged. Teared.
Luckily, your leaving brought us closer instead.
We emailed each other when you were in UK & hang out whenever you came back to Singapore.
Even though we hang out in Singapore, we didnt want to forget each other when you returned back to UK.
So we made a friendship ring with our names carved in each ring.
We promised to keep the ring with us & that the ring represented our friendship when we were not together.
With the ring, it was an assurance of our friendship, and it made us think & remember one another every time we look at the ring.
But noooooo. In Sec4, we had our second major quarrel.
It was smth abt your parents disliking me and we said some really harsh words to each other.
We even said, 'best friends no more'
We stopped talking for the whole holiday you were here.
But somehow, we just needed each other in our lives :)
BESTFRIENDS, AGAIN! HAHAHA.
& We've not quarrelled since. 1 year/2 years without quarrelling till today?
Seems like a miracle huh :)
It has been almost 3 years since you left for UK.
We're still best friends.
I admit, our friendship isnt an easy one.
I cant even imagine anyone quarrelling sooooo much and still being able to be best friends.
I bet people think we're crazy hahaha.
However, im proud of our friendship!
How many people can say,
"I QUARRELLED SO MUCH W MY BESTF, DRIFTED APART FROM HIM SO MANY TIMES, BUT WE'RE STILL BEST FRIENDS TODAY.'
Despite all the obstacles we've been through, we're still best friends. Thats the main point.
Many people would have already stopped being best friends and just stick to being normal friends or even strangers with such obstacles.
But no, we're just meant to be best friends.
Nothing can break us apart :)
(I think its how weird we are that we are best friends HAHAHA. Not only do we quarrel and become bestf again and again, we do all kinds of weird stuff tgt!
Gmax, salmon sashimi tradition, laksa tradition etc!)
You still have 1+ more year in UK till you finish up your 4 year course there.
But recently you told me you'd be continueing your university education there.
Which means....... its not just 4 years, you'd be there for another 4 years, or more.
& So we started to discuss the possibility of us going to the same university or at least, be in the same country.
But we realised that, even if I do get the privilege to go to UK for uni, you'd be in army for 2 years here.
We'd still be separated.
By the time you go back to UK, I'd be graduating soon (if my course is 3/4 years)
So we just stopped talking abt it. Wish for the best. & see how it goes.
Anyway, no matter what happens, we'll still be best friends :D
This silly boy even suggested getting a tattoo together! Haha.
But anyway, as much as we hope to enter the same uni/be in UK together,
We cant predict the future.
But one thing we know, Distance cant destroy our friendship.
So we'll always be best friends :D
Wanna see the best friends today?
♥
& There you go.
Best friends. Up till today & still counting :D
-
Alan, just so you know, ive been going around telling both my friends and parents how well you scored for O levels!
Also, I've been close to alot of ppl and yet drifted apart frm so many of them as well.
Youre the only one who has not left me right from the start.
That's the very reason why I cherish you so much as well.
So just to let you know, im really proud to have you as a best friend :)
Please study hard (A levels yknw!!!) and take care (as usual) in UK.
Im sure youre gna do realllyyy well for your A levels.
Please dont turn more ahbeng/gangsterish there as well hahahaha.
You may always swear at me and whack me (not gentlemen tsk!!!) but I'll always love you (so corny hahaha) heh :D
Best friends for LIFE, hopefully!!!!!!!!!! ♥
Labels: Best friends for LIFE hopefully :D
♥ 9:15 PM
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Wellllllll something's bothering me right now & I get this sucky feeling when im bored!
(Explains why im here huh)
I really miss my close friends. Like, really.
I miss Alan. I feel like we're drifting apart...
We used to email each other whenever he's in UK and hang out when he's back.
In the past, when he came back, he would call/sms me straight away and we would hang out whenever possible.
He made me feel like I was important in his life cus he grabbed any opportunity to go out with me.
Then as time went by, we still emailed, but didnt really cherish each other's company whenever he was back.
He'd go out with others more often while I didnt treasure him as much.
& Now?
You guessed it.
We dont even email each other anymore.
Yeah to be honest, it kinda breaks my heart.
Cus he's the one and only person that hasnt left me yet.
But well, I'll do my part by contacting him when he's back :)
Shall not lose hope!
JinKai too.
I hope he has already stopped visiting my blog man lol.
We used to be so tight! (Like friends-wise duh)
We shared everything. (Well, to me that is)
Any time when we needed to go out, we'd call each other.
We didnt care about rumours & just stayed as best friends.
Even simple & impromptu stuff like heading to Kallang Macs to study, movies & just hanging out cus we're bored were alllll w him.
He's just someone who I feel I can depend on. & the feeling was awesome.
Like, whenever you need someone, be it happy times or sad times, hes' the first person I'd think of, yknw? Yeah that kinda feeling.
Its kinda hard to describe, but it was so comfortable hanging out w him.
We'd take turns to ask each other out.
But as usual, as time went by, I became the one asking him to go out.
& if that wasent bad enough, he even rejected a couple of times simply cus he was lazy or whatever.
Yeah I could sense that we were drifting apart definitely.
But it takes two hands to clap. What else could I do?
We used to talk quite alot too, through msn & hp.
Now, the only time we talk is when we head for tuition or ask each other abt tuition stuff.
We can even not talk to each other for a month I think.
Yeah this also breaks my heart, seeing how we've drifted apart.
People like my shifu too.
She was like my bigggg sista seriously.
We didnt meet often, but we would talk from time to time.
We would honestly listen to each other's sorrows and happiness.
I dont see that sincerity in our conversations anymore...
& when we were free to hang out, we would grab the chance to meet up.
But now...... im free, she's free, we said we would meet up, but we dont.
I miss her, really.
I miss how she made my birthday during the comps memorable.
I miss how tight we were in the past.
I miss how similar we are and how she can read my mind.
LeckQi too yeah.
I dont wanna say too much.
I just wanna say that she's the only junior that matters so much in my life.
No other juniors can take her place definitely.
Cus I just feel a bond with her. A bond that can never be felt by any other juniors (Sorry)
I was happy cus we used to share alot w each other as well.
Tease each other, call each other names, and we were really close.
Its hard to maintain such a bond cus we were close through being childish and kiddish.
& we both had to grow up, with or without a choice.
Im just glad I ever had such a junior that made me truly feel like a senior.
I'll never forget that bond :)
Of course, those who are not mentioned here are not excluded as well.
I still miss my pri sch friends, sec sch friends and tabletennis mates.
Deep down, I miss them as much as I miss those names I mentioned above.
-
I dont know if the problem lies w me.
I've drifted apart from all my close friends so it does seem like there's a problem w me.
I admit that I find it tough to find out who I truly am.
It's been a struggle to also change who I am.
I mean, I've always believed in being true to yourself and not changing who you are.
But I believe in changing for the better, without betraying your true self. Get it?
Ok nvm if you dont.
I've really really really been trying to figure out who I am & changing for the better.
I really am. But, it seems that im failing huh?
I used to be so pessimistic. I still am, but I constantly make an effort to look at the bright side of things.
Its not that my life has become better. No it hasnt.
My life is still as awful as last time, or even worse at times. Especially this year.
Its just that I like to at least make an effort to be optimistic cus I feel that faking a smile,
or at least trying to be optimistic doesnt affect people around you.
If you can put a smile on other's faces rather than a frown, why not?
I used to be so anti-social. I still am, but I try to be sociable from time to time.
Its not that Ive really become sociable, I havent.
Im still as sensitive, and thats why I dislike initiating conversations with strangers cus I feel people are constantly judging me.
But I just pull out that small amt of courage to try and be sociable,
cus I've learnt that even one small gesture like 'hello' can make a difference in others' lives.
Sometimes if I try to be sociable, and it turns out the person still doesnt like me/doesnt appreciate it etc,
then lets take it as a mistake that I made.
But I believe for every one person that rejects my gesture, there's another one that will accept it.
It's so hard you know. To try. But I will never give up trying.
So I urge people who are facing obstacles in their lives to continue trying to be better.
Sometimes, when obstacles come my way, I really feel like giving up on being strong.
& when I feel lonely, I really feel like just letting myself feel that way and blaming myself for not being good enough.
But I refuse to cus im tired of feeling so crappy.
So I try, try to improve myself.
It's so exhausting at times cus I feel that it's not working.
Im not done trying. I'll continue to do so. I just dont know how long I can hold this 'hope' for.
This song depicts the life of this Philippines singer called Charice.
She's like my only idol.
Her amazing voice, humble & kind character is what inspires me.
She just got the whole package to be an awesome role model.
& I feel that I can relate alot to this song too.
I hope one day, I'll be able to be as strong as her.
Labels: Am I really not good enough?
♥ 1:03 AM
Im backkkkkkk.......... for awhile.
I was at OBS from 29Nov to 3Dec!
It was my first time there cus I missed the sec3 one due to competitions.
Dangggg was it tough!
We got sent there for the 'Marine mobile leadership course'
& We were notified only when we reached there!
(Many of us wanted to do flying fox and all the land stuff so we were quite disappointed)
To be honest, I didnt really enjoy it.
I felt that I wasent myself when I was there.
I didnt know what was wrong w me, I just wasent me.
Alot was going through my mind, & I didnt know why!
But anyway, it was unforgettable and definitely memorable.
I think the point of the course wasent about having fun, but to learn values.
Cus according to friends there who went for OBS before, they said this was so different from their secondary one.
Well anyway, here are the main highlights!
We kayaked 23km in total, of which 17km was done in 7 hours in ONE DAY non-stop.
We had lunch in the sea w just milo powder and uncooked maggi mee to be eaten as Mamee for lunch.
Dope huh? (Not)
That day was really a test of perseverance.
So manyyyy wanted to give up. It was really so tough!
Especially so for my partner and I..... Cus we got seasick!! It was so terrible maaanz.
(My shoulder muscles are as hard as The Hulk now)
Other days were filled w storms and pitching tents in the rain!
We slept w our wet clothes and could neither bathe nor brush our teeth for a day or two.
Yeah. It was like army man.
But through this course, though many complained like crazy during the process, we knew we came out of OBS learning at least something :)
Just before returning back, we had this one hour reflection thing where we walked around the campsite alone.
It really made me reflect, and we had to come up with 3 stuff that we want to achieve after we leave.
I did. I signed the commitment book. But I think I cant achieve it.
I have always been thinking about the same stuff, telling myself that I need to fulfill em.
But I always fail to do so. Still trying though.
Anyway.......
Here's OBS TPJC'10! :D
Marshall & Munshi (M&M!) babeh.
My group ; Marshall! ♥
Before OBS, I met up w P.SANDAL to celebrate Ashley & Rachel's sweet seventeen!
I was really damn damn damn happy to see them again :)
I laughed. Really laughed.
& Had an awesome time reminiscing the past w them and just hang out :D
♥
Other pictures are in fb as usual.
Tata!
♥ 12:40 AM
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Finally back for a breather. Oh who am i kiddinggggggg.
Promos are over, but its PW chionging all the way nowwww.
(I studied harder for promos than O-levels by x1000000. Everyone is saying the same thing.
See what JC does to you. Shitassssssssss)
& Get this. Its just promos. It's not even Alevels yet. Its just promoting you up to damn Year 2. GeeezMama.
Im suppose to wake up at 7 tmr for PW meeting (holidays indeed huh)
Im suppose to be sleeping.
But i dont care cus i got the sudden urge to come here..........
But i have to make this quick, so i just grabbed a couple of pics.
Hopefully i can keep this short and simple.
My birthdayyy!
Had Fish&Co w lovely P.SANDAL and had the mini sparklers + stand on the chair thingy.
It was awesome :) Sadly I had to leave after the lunch to meet my JC clique.
But I really appreciated their company ; Noone can replace them!
I cant find the pic w them so yeah :(
Had Swensens for dinner w awesome JC clique.
They attempted a surprise too :) Theyre just wonderfulllllllll people!
Love love love them!
We look so 幸福 yes ♥
Managed to spend some time w Alan too! It wasent really a celebration, but aiya, the celebration was just chilling out together :) He bought oreo cheesecake yummmmmm!
I was honestly happy he bought the cake! I dont knw why I had that miserable smile fixed on my face. Must be JC. (Yeah im glad you noticed im blaming everyth on JC.)
Ohoh & my 'love to kp me but actually damn nice' teammates gave me a post celebration.
I was TOTALLY taken aback :) They love people through kp-ing haha! Still love them :)
:)))))
For National day celebration, my class performed! :D
I think i mentioned that in the previous post right haha.
Just really proud of them lahh :)
S10 HEHEHEHEHEHHOOHOHOHOHAHAHAHA
S10 ftw~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thunderation babehhhhhhh. (Inside 'joke')
Days after that!
Attempted to cook Japanese curryyyy after staying over at aunt's house!
It was semi-fail but since it was edible......... counted success lah can anot.
I-dont-knw-why-I-managed-to-give-the-damn-epic-face-either.
Thank God that Alan was there to guide me in the grocery shopping.
I.was.a.total.noob.I.tell.you.
:D
Seriously the only proper pic. Realised tht whenever he looks alright, i look like crap. Vice versa haha.
I MISS HIM! Cant wait for Dec seriouslyyyyyyyy.
Ok other than those awesome days, its been nothing but chionging of pw and PROMOS.
Yes i screwed up pretty badly............. Hopefully the results dont show that (Yeah right)
Just praying damn hard to promote (though i seriously think otherwise)
Wo mei you nu li du shu, and wo kena gastric flu :(
Pray pray pray. I want to be in 10S10. Not 11S10! D:
Ok thats all :)
TATA!
P.S Of course i still miss my secondary sch life. My lovely 4RP people. The girls, Dayang, Jinkai etc. As in, I miss more of how we were like in sec sch, rather than how we are like now. Get it?
Ok nvm.
I miss my awesome teammates tooooooooooooooo!
P.S NO. 2 I FINALLY HAVE A CLASS TEEEEEEE HOHOHOHOHO. Like after 4 years I didnt evn have a pathetic class tee. BUT NOW I DO! HOHOHO. You cant understand the joy one lah ok. Im just deprived!
P.S NO.3 This wasent short after all. Goodnight.
♥ 1:12 AM
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Loooooooooooooooong time since I last blogged!
Just back cus its the long holidayssss, shall just update w photos.
Met cchms teammates weeks baaack!
Had an awesome catch-up session :)
We also realised tht we only meet every 6mths!!!!! :o
(At least we still meet up rightttt! Better than not meeting at all)
Hope we'll still continue to meeeeet up maaaaaaaan :)
At Ajisennnn!
:)
School has been wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too hectic.
Was busy w NDP rehearsal and PW for the past week which made me sleep for only 3 or 4 hours everyday for the whole weeeek!
Exhausted exhausted exhausted puhleaseeeee.
But........ as usual, clique made it better i guess haha!
:D
Then came NDP!
Though S10 still didnt perform up to expectations when the actual NDP came, but we all know how good we really were cus rehearsals were when we performed our best :)
SO IM STILL PROUD OF S10 CUS AT LEAST WE HAD THE COURAGE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS EVENT & THAT WE HAD CLASS SPIRIT ALLLLL THE WAY + EVERYONE PARTICIPATED! :D
♥
Okkkkkk what else.................
2010 is passing way tooooooo fast ; so fast that I seriously cant catch up.
Tmr's my birthday and im like 'Whaaaaaaaat?'.
Yes, seriously.
Ah ok I shall go do my hw cus ive been playing since yesterday & i dont wanna have to chiong everyth on tues.
TATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
♥ 11:01 PM
